Will update/back date soon.

Right now, I just need to get this out of my system:

Everything I'm feeling right now, the being pulled by tides I thought I'd slipped, stretched ane torn along old fracture lines, all of it can be summed up in easy chords in this song.



Caledonia
by Dougie Maclean


I don't know if you can see,
The changes that have come over me.
In these last few days I've been afraid,
That I might drift away.
I've been telling stories, singing songs,
That make me think about where I come from.
That's the reason why I seem
So far away today.

(Chorus)
Let me tell you that I love you,
That I think about you all the time.
Caledonia, you're calling me,
Now I'm going home.
But if I shall become a stranger,
Know that it would make me more than sad,
Caledonia's been everything I've ever had.

Now I have moved and kept on moving,
Proved the points that I needed proving,
Lost the friends that I needed losing,
Found others on the way.
I have kissed the lads and left them crying,
Stolen dreams, yes there's no denying,
I have travelled hard sometimes with conscience flying,
Somewhere in the wind.

(Chorus)

Now I'm sitting here before the fire,
The empty room, a forest choir,
The flames have cooled. don't get any higher,
They've withered now they've gone.
But I'm steady thinking my way is clear,
And I know what I will do tomorrow,
When hands have shaken, the kisses flowed,
Then I will disappear.

(Chorus)



Now please, let's not be melodramatic. However, it's late at night, you'll have to forgive my musical penchants. And honestly, I'll explain it all later. For now, just reread the pretty song and flex your fingers to the repetitive chords.

Out with a bang and a whimper

So, my masters' dissertation is due on Monday. This Monday. By the close of business Monday.

Ohgodohgodohgod.

Why didn't I get more of this done sooner? Why didn't I finish all the stupid books and articles months ago? Because I'm an idiot, that's why.

12-15k words. Currently at 4,251 and that's all just quotes. Shouldn't take much to string them together, right? Oh, that's not even half the books and articles entered yet? Oh... dear. Well, that is a problem.

I've stocked up on black tea and the requisite frozen pizzas. Here's to no. sleep. ever. (Until Monday, then it has to be over, it just has to be.) My remaining coursemate is apparently in a similar position. This is a small and admitedly shallow comfort.

Not dead yet.

Sorry for the giant and unplanned leave of absence-- January was not a particularly stellar month for Miss Melville.

I'm occasionally palagued by what some might describe as an epic intellectual inferiority complex coupled with brutal self-loathing. Frankly, I couldn't fathom why anyone would want to read this tripe I write, and just thinking about how self-centered it was for me to write about myself made me physically ill.

However, radio silence over! Baby's back in town. :)

23 days...

That's right, folks, I'm really going. Come hell and high water, makes no difference-- so long as planes can still take off and land, that is. I'm still not sure how I feel about all of this. I'm trying to add up all the expenses right now, and it looks like it's going to be just about as expensive as OB, just in slightly different ways. The main concern at the moment is the cash-flow issue between my departure time and the point where my loans come through and I get my excess aid check. Yeah, that might hurt a bit. It looks like I'm going to have about $150 to travel with-- not exactly flush, I know. But I'll be able to work through it, right? Until I get a job on-campus, right?

I've got the accommodation application and now I'm awaiting the arrival of my joining papers so I can get my official ID number to apply for housing. Everybody cross your collective fingers that I somehow get a place at Elphinstone Road. I really can't afford and do not want catered accommodation... and they say that money can't buy happiness, but it can buy an en-suite room and that's basically the same thing.

I'm waiting on the IRS to send me my tax transcript so I can finish filing my FAFSA and get the ball rolling there. They said that it wouldn't be an issue to arrive before all my funding goes through, so that's a good sign. I'm draining my meager savings to come up with the utility fees and deposit monies for the housing, but hopefully that will get me over the initial hurdles.

Despite the very good advice of some wonderfully wise friends, I'm taking my old columbia coat from LakeState, the same tennis shoes I've always had, a pair of rubber boots from the attic and as many sweaters that I already own as possible. I will get one more pair of jeans and MAYBE a heavy pair of khakis, but that's it. If I don't already have it, I'm not buying it. Oh, except for power adapters and a new battery for my laptop. THOSE things I do need. As far as a cell phone for once I'm over there, that will have to wait for the excess aid. All I can do is all I can do.

Cheers for CB, who has withstood the weight of my ignorance, my billions of questions and even sent me a book of current Scots phrases. My personal favorite so far is 'carfuffle', which means to cause an outcry or rukus.

I'll keep posting the winners as I discover them!

Scotland update: 29 days?

The devil is not only in the details, but also my stomache acid. I'm having regular anxiety attacks at 7:00 pm each day and have been unable to keep down solid food since learning that I've been accepted. I'm on one hell of a roll.

Also, I got another e-mail today from Dr. King, this one telling me for sure that I've been accepted, but I'm not one of her new pets-- she in charge of the Lit major, but I'm in the MLitt in Comparative Literature and Thought. I'm not quite sure what that means, other than that somebody else will be contacting me. Fun, fun.

I'm attempting to fill out my FAFSA, but in the mad move home from the undergrad, I have NO IDEA where the copies of my tax returns went. I don't even know if I made copies. I'm an idiot. Here's to hoping I can call the IRS and they'll actually help me. Somehow I think that's kind of a long shot.

I e-mailed both the accomodation office and the register's (financial aid) in the hopes that I will hear back from them tomorrow. I really want to get my loans squared away as soon as possible. Then I get to buy some plane tickets. But before I do that, I need to know when I can move in. Ahh, so many little steps. Damnit. And I'm broke.

Regarding my previous post freak out about the MSF, I talked to my boss, and maybe there's hope. some hope. Something about breaking up the job that I've got right now into 3 seperate positions and maybe making me the company manager... more on this at a later point. Like when I'm not tired.

DAMNIT. I can't find the sheet of paper I wrote the phone numbers on for U of Aberdeen housing. Maybe it's in my purse. Damn missing paperwork and my inability to organize!