Go Go Gadget Scotland!

I've been accepted into the MLitt Program at the University of Aberdeen.

... I think.

I got an e-mail from a Dr. King tellimg me that she's looking forward to meeting me, giving me the correct start dates for the fall semester (apparently the ones in the letter of acceptance are wrong *question mark*) and telling me that she's looking forward to meeting me. That means that they want me, right? right??

And for some unbelievable reason that I cannot begin to plomb, I have the worst sinking feeling in the pit of my stomache.

Is it because the dates are so much different? I'll need to be there by September 15 instead of the 1st of October, and it runs into the first week of June. THE FIRST WEEK OF JUNE. This means that I won't be able to come back and work here at the MSF next summer. I never thought I would be this bummed about this, but I've finally made a new friend who may be coming back here and... but the longer I think about it, maybe that's not it.

Maybe I've just grown so accustomed to working here, to knowing everything, to being the go-to girl that, despite complaining about it constantly and claiming to despise it, I actually love it.

Oh, god.

All of the shit. The horrible hours. The never sleeping. The living off of fast food sold in Vandertucky. The ridiculous actors. The nights of drinking cheap beer with equally miserable techies. The constant crisis mode. The twitching. I love it all, don't I? When did this happen? This isn't healthy at all.

Perhaps this sinking feeling also arises out of the realization of a long-fanciful dream. I've talked about going to Scotland for Grad School for SO LONG NOW that the idea of actually going in a FOUR WEEKS is ungodly unsettling. I am actually capable of this or is this another instance of me buying into my own hype? Holy shit, the time has come...

And I don't really even know where to begin. I've got my visa, but I applied for it with my acceptance to Oxford-Brookes-- do I need to revise that? (I'll write more about my charmed life and a magical trip to Chicago a little later on, maybe tomorrow.) I just got off the phone with the Dept. of Ed. folks, and they totally lend to people studying at Aberdeen, so I need to get a hold of the people at Aberdeen's Financial Aid office and see what we can sort out. Regardless, I'm not going to have to take out as much as I would if I were to go to OB. Somehow, that doesn't make me feel that much better. I'm not even entirely sure what the name of my program is-- it's an MLitt in English Studies, but I think the actual specific designation is something about comparative thought. I think. And I need my application number to eRegister like they've asked me to do, but I don't have it yet. AHHH!

Another gut-wrench comes from the realization that I've built Scotland up so much in my head, wanted to go so badly for so long, that now I'm dearly afraid that the North Atlantic won't be as cold and blue as it is in my dreams.

I'm scared to death.