Happy Birthday, Ms. Potter!

Thanks to Google and their lovely vaguely-pastel logo art for alerting the vast internet population to this delightful day!

Here's to a hip hip for the creator of the iconic gluttonous bunny and shovel-weilding, heartless farmers!

Here's the woman of the hour, walking her beloved pet rabbit, Benjamin Bouncer

No, honestly-- who didn't love her tales as a child? Mrs. Tiggy-Winkle and Jemima Paddle-Duck are still household favorites around here. Mutie has a miniture boxed set of selected Beatrix Potter works that I coveted as a child, and upon my most recent homecoming read to my youngest sister, the esteemed Badger.

I didn't know that she had visited Scotland on family holidays, though thinking back on her illustrations, I can't say that I'm surprised. Likewise, I was unaware of her work on lichens and status as an expert on mycology. Crazy.

To celebrate this lovely lady, I suggest we all dust off your old childhood companions and be alright with a moment of literary softness, so much like rabbit fur, and smile blissfully-- it'll make a delightful change of pace!

No worries, Benjamin, you're right on time!

A Pretty!

Considering all the bad news and whinging

I've been doing on here recently,

here's something to compensate:

These are in my neighbor's front garden, right up by the sidewalk(pavement) and everytime I walk past, I bury my nose in one. I know it's hard to tell, but these blooms are basically the size of a salad plate. *Sighs* I adore this city/country/season.

What to do?

This is my life. This is my life in debt.

What with all the talk about the credit crunch and bankruptcy and Mutie in my ear about howmy student debt will keep me from ever being able to finance a house, ergo I will never have a home, ergo I will never get married, ergo I will never have children, ergo I will never be happy (you think I'm joking, this is PRECISELY her logic and it always has been-- remember, sweet but broken), I'm in a hell of a spot trying to make up my mind about how I'm going to spend the next three years of my life.

I've been accepted here at the University of Aberdeen for my doctorate, and I really really really want to stay. I love this city of granite and mist and roses, I adore the Centre, and I finally feel like I've got the right project at the right time with the right people advising me-- I feel like I might actually do something that will have an effect outside of my tiny corner of academia (worthwhile as I've always contended it is) and maybe help out the general human plight. That's heady stuff, ladles and gellyspoons. More on that later.

Anyways, I've had a hell of a time justifying driving my poor little self even further into debt. It's 9k british sterling to stay here, so roughly $18,000 a year for three years. Let's round that up and say $60,000 for the whole kit and caboodle. On top of the $45,000 I already have (I think that's right) that would bring the total up to a gut-wrenching $105,000.

Some of the other schools with programs going in what I'm interested in are Princeton, Yale, Emory and Columbia. Then there's the old favorites of the University of Chicago and Notre Dame, along with Dalhousie and Memorial. I've been checking these out, and here's the hard facts:

Princeton: $29,910 per annum
Yale: $26,800
Emory: $27,770
Columbia: $30,532

These are the schools doing work in my specific area. Just for the sake of argument, here are some more numbers:

University of Chicago: $31,680
Notre Dame: $28,970
Dalhousie: $15,452
Memorial: roughly $14,000
(and just for the hell of it) U of M: $27,124

The killer about most of these is that they're FIVE YEAR PROGRAMS. That isn't for a masters-and-doctorate degrees, that JUST for the Ph.D. I'm not 100% sure if that's the way it is at Yale and Emory yet, but I just got confimation of that for U of Chi., ND and U of M. So, even if I were to get considerable funding, it's likely to cost more for the degree over five years than the three years at Aberdeen. The two schools in Canada don't have programs in my area, but they do have a general catch-all called an Interdisciplinary Doctoral Program. What this basically seems to mean (as I'm gathering through correspondence with both schools) is that I'd be on my own, with support from two of three faculty members but without a department. What I'm woried about is how it will read on my CV when I do have a Ph.D.-- is it a bit like a Liberal Arts degree for an undergrad? I don't want to pay for a degree that nobody's going to respect.

As for as the continuing pursuit for funding here at Aberdeen, I can give you the list of peace and justice institutes that I've contacted if you'd like, but I think it might bore you, dear invisible reader. I've learned that the UN has funds for the third year, or "write up" of the doctoral candidacy, but nothing before that. Still, good to know. Even the Rotary in Jackson wrote back and said it sounded like a fine project but they only fund international business ventures. :( I've gotten a few helpful hints at other sources to check into, but these groups seem to be pretty stretched for cash all over at the moment. But so am I, so I keep looking.

With the job(s) that I have right now, I can cover my own room and board. Not a problem. It just all boils down to fees. I haven't heard anything about the ORSAS grant, the one that would pay the difference between International and UK fees, and The Guru seems to think that's not entirely a bad sign. Apparently they're pretty quick to reject you here and slow to hand out the acceptance letters. Either way, I'm feeling a bit shakey on that one.

I've been looking around to see what else I could do with the degree that I'm earning now, and if I were to come back to the States and teach at a Community College, it wouldn't be in what I've been sharpening my claws on-- there are merits and rewards to teaching remedial english to 20-somethings, but compared to what I COULD be doing, it all just seems to pale.

It's taken me a long time to feel confident enough to admit that, but I guess there's no disputing it anymore-- I really want to do something with my life, and I'm done questioning whether or not I'm good enough or intelligent enough to do it. So far as I can tell, the only thing holding me back is money.

To quote somewhat darkly from Shakespeare, "I am now steeped in blood so deep that would be as tedious to go back as to go o're," and I'm afraid it's true. Aberdeen seems to be the least expensive and most prestigeous of some very, very expensive options.

So... thoughts?

Right-- On a Personal Note

So, it's a time of upheaval and indecision in the life of moi, and so I'm going to vent on here for just a minute. I know, I was doing so well being non-dramatic and anti-egocentric, but it looks like we're going to try to strike a balance here... imagine that.


My family are a right cast of characters, let me just lay that out first of all. The best way to describe Mutie is to admit that she's sweet, but broken. I think that there are several elements that went into breaking her, but that's another discussion. Regardless, she's a sweet, lovely, loving and old-fashioned mama and I do adore her. My father and I have a more combative history-- only recently have he and I been able to have a decent conversation about the weather without digging into each other. As it is, so long as we avoid religion, politics, ethics, economics and climate change, we're okay. Yeah... we're okay. That said, I'm experiencing a new set of emotions at the moment-- I feel sorry for my father.


My father has never been the sort to inspire sympathy. In fact, I've spent most of my life spiting him and doing everything I could to alienate him. Not that he helped matters, but we all begin to realize our errors as we age, right. Well, it looks like Dad's been let go by his employer of 15 years. And the severance package they offered him, an overweight, balding, slightly deaf 50-something white man? A percentage of his insurance.


Now, Dad is an automotive engineer in Michigan. Nobody's surprised that he's in this position, least of all him. He was just hoping against hope that he could stick it out just a few more years-- maybe until his middle daughter graduated from high school. My sister, Weasle, is a lovely, bright 17 year old with an eye for changing the world. Honestly, she's one of two people I know personally who I truly believe will change the face of humanity. However, she's currently staring down the barrel of campus visits and standardized tests and all those attendant costs. Then there's also Badger, my baby sister-- a charming 12 year old with a number of years left in a really expensive private school system. Ouch. So, Dad sticks it out and waves the pink slip aside, hoping to last out just one more year and then give it the old heave-ho? Well, there's one more complicating factor that needs some explanation.

My father is one of four children: his older brother, Vaughn, his younger sister, Ciotka, and then my godmother, Yenta. Now, Vaughn and Dad were only 14 months apart. I say were because Vaughn died of complications from his chronic lymphocytic leukemia three years ago. (*Holy shit, it's really been three years?) Now, both their parents had various forms of cancer, as did their grandparents. Bobcia and Jodic died in their early fifties, as did Vaughn. Dad's now pushing mid-fifties, and it's not like he's in peak physical condition. He's borderline diabetic, overweight, hypertension-ridden and has high cholesterol along with bleeding ulcers, high blood pressure and a bad back and knees. Well done, there. The kicker is that Yenta's just been diagnosed with the same variety of cancer that eventually laid Vaughn in the grave after a long and debilitating struggle.

Can he afford to gamble and keep his job with the possibility that he could be flat out let go in December and have no health insurance at all?

And yeah, I'm sure losing his job and finding out about Yenta within three days of each other has been great for his ulcers.

Like I said, I'm not used to feeling badly for my father, but this tips the hand, I think.

So cute it hurts...

So, I finally broke down and went to the movies. Yes, that's right-- Miss Melville went on an outing to the talkies. Only this one didn't have so much talking as beeping and whistling. Are you catching on yet?

A dear friend thought is might have been too much beeping, what with my supersonic hearing and all, but I'm happy to report (despite the deafening volume of cinema sound systems nowadays-- seriously, does it have to be that loud?) that I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Well, all except the part where they showed the trailer for High School Musical 3. That's just gross and wrong.

Anyways, as I'm sure you have probably guessed, I went to see Wall-E, and it was everything I wanted from Pixar-- cute, visually engaging, wholesome, a bit tongue in cheek, packed with little side-jokes, and chockabock environmentalist propaganda. *sighs contentedly*

He's just so damn cute! I know, I know, robots with personality are generally a bad idea [see: Hal] but this one goes about collecting little things he finds interesting and generally being constructive and cleaning up the earth which has been abandoned by its consumeristic human infestation, who have fled to space to escape their own waste. (Read that last line out loud, it so totally inadvertently rhymes!)

There are some other key members of this little robot cast who deserve a shout-out-- Eve, the pretty girl robot who helps Wall-E live out his Hello, Dolly! hand-holding fantasy, and Mo, also voiced by Ben Burtt who did sound design for the Star Wars movies and a bit of Indiana Jones as well. Non-robots who retain loveable status is basically limited to Wall-E's pet cockroach, who first bridges the gap between Wall-E and Eve, like all good pets do.

While I'm always an advocate for staying in your seat through ALL of the credits (for various reasons-- first of all, show some respect. Those best boys and third set lighting men and women worked hard on this movie, so have the decency to watch as their names blip past on the screen, it's literally the least you can do. Secondly, movie tickets cost so damn much nowadays, I'm going to make it last for as long as humanly possible. Third, there might be a little something at the end! Made all the difference in that last X-Men movie, now didn't it!) it's especially important for this one. With the clever use of art history, the viewer gets a glimpse of the recolonization effort and the reaclimation of mankind. From cave paintings to mosaics to oils, these credits have it all! Plus, the track from Peter Gabriel doesn't hurt. ;)

All in all, I give it the full five corroded and personable robots.