... and so a bold new world was entered in upon at an ungodly hour of the morning in a fit of uncomfortable self-loathing.
I would postulate that my motives for opening this little window to the blogging world are mostly selfish. Yes, some people I know have them, read them, etc. Do I read theirs? Well, not often. Here's to changing that. It's not that I didn't care what was going on in their lives, some of them quite geographically removed from mine, but this was a fishbowl I hadn't yet peered through.
As far as I go, it's a new year. As good a time as any for a new canvas to call a mirror. I'm not telling anyone I know in a flesh and blood medium about this little forray-- I wouldn't want to have a hand in ruining my own street credit. You see, my unknown reader, I've got this reputation which has dogged me for years. Sometimes I help it along, sometimes it drags me along. Give and go, I suppose. Regardless, it's gotten to the point where the image that my reputation projects resembles me not at all. Well, maybe a little bit, but I'd say that a solid 85% of it is complete flash-bulbs and sleight of hand.
Let's set some basic facts: I'm a half-assed feminist. I'll let you hold the door for me all day long so long as I don't think you're doing it because you believe that I am incapable of holding it open for myself. Secondly, I am not the product of steel and venom-- I have a real, live family who are perhaps more average than I give them credit for, but the dysfunction abounds. I am not a lesbian. I don't have a problem with lesbians, or people of any of the ever-broadening varieties of persuasion for that matter, but I just happen to be a heterosexual. Just because I frequently prefer to be alone does not in any way imply that I don't enjoy the occasional company of men. And on that point, I am not a man-hater. I'm really not. Very often people do, in general, disgust me, but I do not despise all men. I do follow the school of thought which credits evolutionary behavioralism with the predispositions for infidelity, violence, dishonesty, and cruelty. This doesn't mean that I believe women to be blameless in these areas, but as men have dominated society for as long as it matters, they usually draw the larger share of my rage.
Despite my soul-crushing stilletos, caustic one-liners and dour stances, I am confessing that I like romantic comedies. I stumbled upon a gem just the other day, this old Hugh Jackman movie that I may have watched on repeat in the background of my computer screen while I worked through the night. I drink hot chocolate on cold nights, usually with a large dollop or whipped cream. I do not kick puppies. Instead, I kick people who kick puppies, or at least I would like to kick them. No, I don't admit to believing in the phenomenon of love, but I lingering in doorways, silently hoping to be proved wrong. It hasn't happened yet.
So, what's going on in my life right now, you ask? Well, I'm being tossed out of my current abode the day after tomorrow for various and sundry reasons, none of them good, all of them petty. For the past semester I lived in a center with a particular religious affiliation and did my best to be an asset, but apparently I'm not social enough with the other residents. Go figure. I guess I just spent too much time working on my computer in my room ON MY THESIS. What a pity. Fortunately, I've found a new apartment that I can't really afford. However, it's the best I could expect. It's a private apartment, full kitchen, big windows, hardwood floors, and I move in on Saturday. The trick to all of this is that I need to have everything I've ever owned out of the Center by 5 PM on Saturday. The same Saturday.
I hate moving. I hate everything about it. The shoving things in boxes, the packing the car, the misplaced everything. I'm sure I'll be happier once everything has found a new home in the new apartment, but right now that far ahead is a bit hard to imagine. And then there's classes... oh, classes.
I'm a senior in college. I'm trying to graduate in May. Well, I don't know how hard I'm really trying. More about this at a later date. Also more on how the Administration decided to FIRE my TENURED THESIS ADVISOR the week the I submitted the body of my English thesis. Le sigh.
Goodnight, brave new world. I'll check back in on you later.
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